the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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