I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
