Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize