i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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