his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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