You really coming over, don't trick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize