Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
