I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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