Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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