wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
