having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
