By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
