You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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