i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
