i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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