She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
