So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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