You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
