Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
