i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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