What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
