It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
