dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
