i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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