Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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