Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
