I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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