..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
