theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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