I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
