U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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