please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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