I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
