When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
