I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
