Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
