Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
