if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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