Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
