I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
being pregnant is like rehab
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
