just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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