My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
