too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
