Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
