I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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