Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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