did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm bleeding and have questions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
