Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
