I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
