I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
