Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
