i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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