On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
