Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
