we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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