Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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