whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Someone shit on the floor
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
