I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
