I wish I could teleport
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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