Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
