the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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