she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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