i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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