I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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