no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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