He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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